BIMBLING ABOUT 2005

 

End to End 05

 

After frantically scribbling last minute preparations onto the back of our worn out beer mat we racked the bikes and headed for Cornwall. The challenge - to test our prostrates over a gruelling two week course dressed only in lycra and a spare pair of socks, just in case we needed to impress any ladies en-route. I did the t-shirts (the really tough job) and Derek was left the easy task of sorting through maps, weather reports, hill profiles, alternative routes, accommodation lists, bike shops, corner shops, shops not on corners and the daily Ceefax wind directions. Starting at Land's End, Cornwall and finishing up at John O'Groats, Caithness we covered 969 miles (not including Derek's return to Gloucester 'cos he forgot his helmet). We raised approx. £750 for Ty-Hafan - the children's hospice.

 

Planning:
Route - we mainly followed the "Bike Britain" route by Paul Slater, although Derek found a few detours in order to miss some big hills and take in different scenery.

 

Bike - I bought a Dawes Discovery 701 for £600. Great bike as long as you get the wheels with lots of spokes, not the sporty ones I had!  Derek went for the trusty (or should that be rusty?) 10 year old second hand Raleigh with the only adaptations being a 36 tooth gear set for the hills kindly donated by Mr Eddie Woodman of Maesycoed and a rear pannier rack from his father.

Digs - This was our biggest expense as "rip-off" Britain is so bad for accommodation. It would have been nice if people offered us a discount on B&B but no-one did. We did get a £10 sponsorship from the Kellsboro Hotel in Newquay though - which was very nice!

Pre-ride training - We did a 44 mile ride around Brecon the other day and boy was my bum sore! Now I know how Edward II felt (OK, maybe not). Other than that I did nothing.

 

Lifts - Sue dropped us off at Cornwall and Alun & Mark picked us up in Scotland with a hire car kindly donated by Europcar. This did mean carrying all kit with us which did slow us down.

Charity - We decided to give it a go for Ty-Hafan and raised £750 in total. We had a Disco at Clwb-Y-Bont on June 18th and raised nearly £200.

 

External links - click here.

Our Sponsors:
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

R.H. Jeffs & Rowe

Alun / Mark

Debbie Davies

Maesycoed Motors

Clwb-Y-Bont

Richard Holland

Cil Con Club

All bike shops (en route)

 

Friday 1st July - Pontypridd to Penzance (by car)

We began our expedition in the year of our lord 2005, in the summer month of July, about dinner-time, after literally minutes of serious training and rigorous preparation. We'd already completed a 44 mile trip around Brecon over two weeks ago and had enjoyed a 6 pint binge with curry nightcap last evening in order to fully relax us for the safari ahead. The weather was the usual mix of rain and heavy rain with some light drizzle thrown in for good measure as we set off from Ponty for Penzance. We found the backpackers at 6:30pm and were checked in by Stuart, a young, old Rhodie who informed us that he'd never died and then sang a song about when we was Rhodesia everything worked and... anyway, myself, Sue and little one were given a dorm for £41 (without breakfast) to which I screamed "I hate rip-off Britain - it's shit!" Wandered along seafront, had an overpriced meal and overpriced pint at the Dolphin Tavern and tucked ourselves in as Derek moaned about his dodgy belly.

Saturday 2nd July - Land's End to Newquay

Woke at 5am in anticipation to heavy drizzle. We had no where to lock our bikes up last night so were amazed that they were still there but that didn't put us off. Drove to Land's End to find a grey, miserable tacky touristy place with no famous signpost in site? We were told the man who owns it doesn't get up until 10am - lazy bugger. So no inspiring photo to set us on our journey only rain and wind. Eventually on road at 9:00am. "I hate rip-off Britain - it's shit!" someone said. A theme that was to echo across vale and dale for two weeks... We cycled to St Just, St Ives and a few other saintly places before watching the surfers at Portreath during a Mars bar and Lucozade break. Pushed on to St Agnes and stopped off at a Tesco to use some of our Lucozade vouchers. This was where our troubles started, because as every top athlete knows dehydration is a serious problem. But after several buy one get one free's we were in danger of over hydrating and we resolved to push onto Newquay and do some serious isotonic restoration via a few real ales. Eventually got to the pretty seaside town that shares it's name with a much nicer seaside town in West Wales but not before one of my spokes started pinging - crappy Dawes bike that I had - buy Japanese I say!

Arrived to find the town centre awash with stag and hen do's and not a real surfer in site. Got some advice from guys in bike shop (start counting them now) and on to the Kellsboro Hotel where we had a dip in the pool! Good first day's cycling - 57 miles and 14 hills, already the furthest I'd ever been on a bike in one day!

Got £5 sponsorship from Paul - the man with the bouncy castle (Black widow Services) and proceeded to restore fluid levels with Guinness in pub next to hotel. After food I was exhausted and dreading the days ahead so Sue kept me awake singing along to Robbie bloody Williams at Live8. And if I ever meet Robbie bloody Williams...

Sunday 3rd July - Newquay to Okehampton

Up at 7:00am and after £10 sponsorship from owners of hotel and a scrummy breakfast we were off with just a hint of sunshine. Plenty of big hills and got a bit of speed up going down into Wadebridge. Tore up first map near Camelford but didn't see any knights sat at our round table in the beer garden. Then disaster struck! Well, I got a puncture. Derek, who from now on shall be known as "bicycle repair man" got us back on the road and we made it to Devon - our first county photo. Big climbs and nice views of Dartmoor. Then we got sucked down a black hole into Okehampton, a lovely town though. Stayed at my favourite place on the whole trip - an old boys school. Upcott House is set in it's own gardens and is lovely. Great day and covered 63 miles and another 14 hills - another record for me.

Went to Feather of Plumes for a huge slap up feed washed down by 2 pints of Guinness. Then on to Plymouth Inn, which is just like the Llanover where we had more Guinness bought for us by a friendly Scottish builder from Devon who'd worked in Ponty and Beddau! Then the night took a sinister twist as two vampire Alsatian dogs started sucking the blood from a cut on Derek's leg. I hope he doesn't turn into a bat on Dartmoor I thought.

Monday 4th July - Okehampton to Glastonbury

Woke at 5:00am again - I really should shut the curtains in summer. Up at 7:00am, breakie and off. Made the Spar at Bow before the rain started. Next disaster was on a 30mph downhill when my pannier came off and lodged in my brake. Luckily it missed the spokes and we made Crediton (The Bikeshed) and our second bike shop. Lots of hills before a welcome respite at Bradninch (ski) to admire view of local Latvian blonde. Downhill to Cullompton, saw deer and impala of all things in grounds of some fancy estate. Derek managed to find a river to watch trout in and I laughed 'cos at last something went wrong with Derek's bike as one of his panniers broke. Riding on we discovered Somerset and made Wellington. Not quite Columbus territory but then again America had been discovered before as well. We by-passed Taunton at rush hour (not nice) and then we realised I'd miscalculated the distance somewhere and we were still 10 miles short of our destination - oops. Kept going with sore bum, sore legs, sore wrists, sore bits and bobs and crawled into Glastonbury on our hands and pedals having covered an amazing 79 miles! My best ever. Quick wash at the King William Inn, a pint of Stella, scampi and chips and we partied like there was no tomorrow at a pagan, full moon, incensed-filled, open air, nightclub with 1000 naked virgins and then I was woken up by "Bob the builder" (local lad) who said we'd never make it over the Mendips, so we went to bed.
 

Tuesday 5th July - Glastonbury to Gloucester

Up early but no sign of bikes and everything locked. Was thinking of ringing Captain Kirk to scan for life forms when pub landlady got up and did us nice breakie. Good time to Wells, but as we took pictures of the big church thingie it started raining - serves me right for being a Buddhist I thought.

Then it rained some more. Then it really rained. Then it got cold, very cold. Up very big hill out of Wells in the rain. We stopped in a Co-op to get newspapers to stuff down our fronts to prevent pneumonia. I can see the headline now - "The Somerset Gazette saves another life in charity horror ride!" Downhill into Bath (looking like we'd just had one) but couldn't find launderette to dry out. Settled for a trendy Jazz Cafe, beans on toast and hot tea. Had funny looks from local man who wondered why I was directing hot air from the hand dryers down my cycling shorts, but at this point I was beyond caring. Shop owner gave us directions out of town and we managed to find lots more hills, country lanes and very posh houses as the "Bike Britain" route came into it's own and we became sopping in Sopworth. Great guy - John Sykes, who runs the PO in Luckington gave us directions to the biggest downhill in Gloucester, between Cockadilly and Frocester, which was nice. He also gave us free drinks and Turkish Delight - thanks very much! Derek nearly lost it as he skidded downhill and may have missed the great views of the Severn Valley. On target again with 69 miles done. Found a rip-off pub in centre for £30 a night (I shouted again). Ate my pie and chips while arguing about Olympic bid with a drunk in the Chinese. I said London will never get it in a million years! Couple of pints in hotel. Neither of us could sleep much due to the "Turkish bath" atmosphere our drying clothes created, the drunken idiots in the street and the noisy seagulls outside - Britain eh! Don't you just love it.
 

Wednesday 6th July - Gloucester to Church Stretton

A million years later we're off early for once but disaster strikes again about 3 miles away as Derek scratches his head only to notice he can. As in he doesn't have his helmet on. Back he goes and I push on into wind. Reunited at the M50 junction near Redmarley we reach Ledbury which looks nice. We re-stock with 8 Lucozades and a 10pack of KitKat (really!) and it all comes to a massive 69p (cheers Lucozade). After a day of colonic irrigation yesterday (no mudguards) my piles are back with a vengeance and we find an uphill at Bromyard on the supposedly flat day! Nice views of Hay Bluff in distance though. Downhill to Tenbury Wells and River Teme which Derek is particularly fond of so we stop and have strawberries while Derek tells tales of woe about when he used to pick them. He's now complaining I'm ahead of him on the diary writing but I say I didn't have to cycle back to Gloucester did I (tee hee). The two of us are coughing in stereo now as the lurgies bed in. Find more hills and disaster - my pile of shite Dawes Discovery 701 breaks a spoke and my pannier rack snaps! Two miles to Ludlow and the shops are shutting in 10 minutes! It's a race against the clock! But somehow with every bit of bad luck we get we also get a bit of good fortune too. At a pet shop we find the only man alive in England who can make a spoke! Fred of CWA Cycles actually made us one! The fact it was the wrong size and he charged me £5.50 is irrelevant - I was happy in my ignorance. Now for more of that luck... the rain was followed by a headwind. There was no way we'd make Shrewsbury so we headed for as far as the wind would allow us. I stopped to release some excess liquid from my bladder at a lay-by as a bus pulled in. The poor old lady looked like she'd had a heart attack as she was escorted away (oops). Anyway, the weather drew us into a place called Church Stretton which reminded me of the Stepford Wives. Everyone smiled and there was no mobile reception. Would we ever leave? It was like a moonie convention and the place was full of unsuspecting mountain bikers - weird. Sweet and sour chicken (short on the rice though!) and a Guinness after a very hard 65 miles indeed. Annoyed with ourselves for falling behind on schedule.

Thursday 7th July - Church Stretton to Speke

First good nights sleep, zonked until 6:30am. Measly breakfast (with no sausages) and we were on our way. Still no mobile reception to ring home, but soon realised why when we heard the news of the inevitable London bombings by Al Qaeda. Into Shrewsbury by 9am, and two more bike shops (none much good). Pee'd off with bike big time now. Cycled on to Wem, where we found the best bike shop in Britain (another spoke had broken on my brand new bike!). Mark Lancaster of Jack Davies Cycles fixed them (for free) and we were on to Whitchurch (lovely Roman clocks) and through Delemere Forest (lovely lake with ducks and fish etc.). Then hell on earth - Runcorn! What a shithole! People actually live here! Nearly mowed down by various lorries, vans, cars and trucks before crossing bridge and road to John Lennon Airport. Found Speke, which in contrast is quite nice, and very flat. Derek's bingo hall manager mate Sean then took us out for a tour of Strawberry Fields, Eleanor Rigby's grave and houses owned by Beatles before an expensive Chinese and a few beers. Feels good to be back on track after a hard 76 miles today.

Friday 8th July - Speke to Lancaster

After saying goodbye to our Milo and Bella wallpaper we set off again expecting the industrial north to engulf us but are very pleasantly surprised. Lovely flat roads, no pollution and a nice day as we headed off through Huyton, Prescott, St Helens, x2 Eccleston's (via free coke in pub) and Leyland (home of the truck). Next up was Preston bike shop (are you still counting?) who fixed our bikes for free (to support our charity) and on to Lancaster. Actually arrived early for once after 62 miles. Booked in pub and had pint of Black Sheep real ale to celebrate being on track again. Lovely fish and chips in Littern Tree pub, couple more pints and home to watch Christopher Lee and his nipple fight James Bond. Big thanks to local man in pub who did whip round for us and raised a few quid for our cause.

Saturday 9th July - Lancaster to Carlisle

Not much sleep, up at 6:45am for great breakie - 2 eggs, 2 sausages, tom's, beans, bacon... cue: Ken Owen... On road by 8:00am and good speed to Kendal (that has a nice bridge but far too many tourists who can't drive). Saw deer, heron, rabbits and plenty of raptors. Wrote postcards in park by river as we had reached half way point! Bloody hell only half way! Set off for Shap hill, lovely views and got sunburnt for first time. Hills no bigger than Brecon though. Stopped for a pint in Shap town and downhill to Penrith where even more southern tourists can't drive to safe their lives! Talked to some Geordies about mountain biking across hills. Nice rolling hills to Carlisle and arrived about 6:00pm, (69 miles all day) but due to floods there was very little room at the Inn and it took us 30 minutes to find a B&B. At £25 each rip off Britain was back to haunt us and I screamed... Got a meatball bap in Subway and then had a couple of pints in various smoky pubs that would let us in with shorts and flipflops (our only change of clothes for two weeks). Home via the chippie and Derek sampled some local delicacy (a deep fried potato and onion ball in batter) while I went for the tried and tested pickled egg and chips. No prizes for guessing the smell in the B&B Sunday morning.
 

Sunday 10th July - Carlisle to Crawford

Up early but didn't get breakie 'till late. Slow start but nice road to Scotland (photo) and Gretna where Derek decided he didn't want to marry me after all. Found a great road straight north but then... yes you guessed it... my crappy Dawes bike snapped another spoke. Limped into Lockerbie but no help at hand on a Sunday. But just when we thought our trip might be over for good I flagged down a minibus of kindly forestry workers who were going to the beach with some tinnies and asked "Are you passing Dumfries butties?" So me and my wretched wheel headed West to Halfords where they didn't have spokes! Just as well I guess seeing as I bought a new wheel to fit which was much better than the rubbish Dawes had fitted. Just as I was about to try and thumb a lift back a very kind man indeed offered me a lift (wheel's and all) - 28 miles out of his way! A grand gesture by a fellow Celt that probably saved our journey! Cheers!!! Bicycle repair man (Derek) made good the new wheel in the Bluebell beer garden while we were watched by the South Sea Islander owner with a funny haircut and a high pitched voice (mmm?) and we were off again, albeit 3 hours late.
 

Deserted roads, on and on we went, this was real Doug McClure country! Stopped for lovely sandwich and chips at good pub in outback (Beattock) run by some Scousers on holiday and into a headwind that saw us pedalling to stand still (like in the U2 song).

Nothing for it but to stop at Crawford - a truckers stop and book a B&B&evening meal. Great three course meal with tumps of apple crumble like Nan used to make. Couple of pints and bed after a miserable 56 miles (our worst day). Nice red sky sunset about 10:30pm at night (still light - beautiful).

Monday 11th July - Crawford to Tarbet

Early rise, big breakie as you'd expect (although not up to the Albion Kebab House's standard). Beautiful morning all cold, blue and magnificent. Oystercatchers, lapwings, meadow pipits, rabbits everywhere. Hills to Douglas but about 10 miles outside Glasgow we had great views down into the city and this really cheered us up. Through Hamilton and down into town. The Gorbals looks much nicer these days and there is an air of optimism in the city. We covered 30 miles by 10:00am - the best ever. Had a coke and chatted to some locals who showed us the next bike shop on our tour and had spoke done on my spare wheel (I was carrying this strapped to the back of my panniers by now). Out of town to Dumbarton and saw Taff Trail ridealike which prevented heavy lorries from murdering us on main road. Saw a few Rab C Nesbit women in Alexandria Co-op as we re-stocked our Lucozades. Made Loch Lomond and had a pint of shandy at Duck Pool (the dearest pint in Britain according to Derek). Sat in shade and gazed at water that was inviting us in! Wanted to stay but had to push on to Tarbet. B&B's all full but eventually found one on a hill with great Loch Lomond views run by nice Austrian lady (Mrs Mary McDonald) who left chocolates on our pillows. Out to church for a few pints and a rip-off Britain meal of bangers and mash for £8. Game of pool in Tarbet Hotel to avoid Scottish dancers who seem to be stuck in a timewarp as we saw them about 14 years ago when I last stayed here. Derek discovered what midge bites feel like. Great cycling day and we covered nearly 82 miles!

Tuesday 12th July - Tarbet to Fort William

Bad road surface and bit of a headwind as we past big Ben's and many Munro's. Beautiful scenery, great for walking but hard cycling into a wind. Managed to get up the hills OK but an absolute nightmare pedalling downhill against wind in lowest gear just to keep moving! Worst winds of trip resulted in a long, hard slog downhill believe it or not. We even stopped halfway down a hill to rest. Did get some speed up as we passed road works and weaved in and out of cars at traffic lights (don't you just hate it when you're driving and bikes do that?).

Eventually made it to Glencoe knackered. Replenished fluids and sat by loch watching seagulls drop crabs onto the stones from a height which took me back to my optimal foraging essays at University - amazing to see it live!

Pushed on to Fort William and the welcome sight of a thousand B&B signs. So how come we picked the duff one? A good 70 miles done. Out for a few well deserved pints at Nevis pub (see Three Peaks photos) and Grub & Gruel but no curry house or chip shop (weird local council) sees us share half a bar of Snickers (Marathon to us oldies) for supper.
 

Wednesday 13th July - Fort William to Dingwall

No early breakie so we help ourselves to a couple of apples and head off early. For once the wind is with us (as is the drizzle). We glide effortlessly past loch after loch reaching nearly 400mph at some points. OK, that was the Tornado's practicing. Stop for breakie at Spean Bridge Hotel - a lovely place but rip-off Britain is back on our cases and we get charged £6 for hardly anything. On to Fort Augustus where tourists (must be Yanks?) queue up to watch boats go through a lock - strange people. On to Loch Ness but the monster is hiding or something. Lovely scenery and sunny for most of day. I ask lady in tourist shop for a postcard of Nessie but they seem to have run out. Stopped at Invermorriston to look at waterfall and lovely old Thomas Telford bridge. Push bikes up a very, very steep hill but it's worth it as we get 8 miles of downhill the other side as we coast to Beauly in record time, reaching 38mph, although some clown who didn't stop for me to beat the shit out of him yelled out of his van window nearly giving me and Derek a cardiac! Decide to go on to Dingwall (the drug capital of the North we're told). As if. It's a lovely place although for some reason the government has dumped a load of Kurdish refugees there in a hotel? Why they can't go back now is a mystery to me as it's safe now isn't it? Anyway, we find the best little B&B in town with really lovely owners, who even oil our bikes in the morning. A cracking 75 miles today. Out for a beer we find a weird kind of discount in the chinkies on my sausages, gravy and chips and head for The Mallard pub as it's pub quiz night. Weird thing was they have their beer garden actually on the train station platform which must have caused a few accidents over the years.
 

Thursday 14th July - Dingwall to Tongue

A lie in for once. Breakie very good and on the road into the drizzle with knees and bum sore. A good Westerly wind sees us whizz past the oil rigs at Cromaty Firth before we head inland to Ardgay for a tea and sticky cake. Dinner at Lairg (Nipp Inn) - lovely burger and chips and we're out into the wilderness. The best bit of the whole trip so far as we sail along with the wind. Uphill, downhill effortlessly (almost). Huge mountains and excellent bimbling territory for walking. We stop at the Crask Inn for a cuppa and soon after at Loch Loyal I spot a black Water Vole (quite rare and a great spot), although I think our host at Tongue didn't believe me. Perhaps I should have told him I was a zoologist? As clouds close in and weather starts to turn we see the village of Tongue below us and breathe a sigh of relief at making it. A good 80 mile ride. Stay at an old manse (lovely) but Englishman charges us £5 for lift into town which I thought a bit steep seeing as we're doing this ride for charity etc. Anyway, a few pints and some venison sausages later we're safely tucked up in bed contemplating the end of our journey tomorrow.

Friday 15th July - Tongue to John O'Groats

Our last day of cycling and the winds are with us (sort of, they're NW). Set off downhill, then up, then down, then up - it's like Cornwall again! Eventually flattens out and we stop for tea at Halledale Inn (pub with campsite) to miss rain. Cycle past Dounreay Nuclear power station and have shock of our lives when looking at a field full of sheep. Two of them are llamas! Could they just be llamas or are they the product of some government experiment? Guess we'll never know. We stop for a pint of lager in cold beer garden about 7 miles out and go over trip. Last bit is easy and we sweep into JoG to a hail of flash photography, there's even a BBC van there. Arrive at 5:00pm ish after 62 miles and who should walk across car park but Ponty Bimblers - Alun and Mark. A few photos at the signpost (which is still there). OK, pub time... The bar bill is £80+ (not including the pizza's at midnight). Derek wants to fight Mark for more whisky and play pool. But we persuade him it's best not to play pool seeing as he can't stand up or see. Bed at 2am with Mark snoring loudly on floor.
 

Saturday 16th July - John O'Groats to Glasgow (by car)

Awake at 4:00am (seagulls again) but lie in until 8:00am and breakie. Dismantle bikes and manage to cram them into boot of car. Alun & Mark take turns to drive us home from Scotland with a hire car kindly donated by Europcar. However a detour via mountains, deserted cottages and a hot soup at the Crask Inn means time is moving fast. We stop at "Nessie Centre" to buy postcard of her but they seem to have run out as well...? Long drive with Mark moaning "It's like the 470!" in between sharing his bowel motion stories. Alun gets good at giving hand signals to caravans that hog the road doing 40mph and we only just make Glasgow by 9:00pm. "It's a big place this Scotland" says Mark. Check in to Travel Inn and out on town. Few nice pubs and some takeaways later we're so tired we even pass up the luxury of a lap dancing bar opposite the hotel to fall fast asleep.

Up early Sunday and drive back to Ponty for a brai and some beers out the back.

 

We had good days and bad days although no day could be described as easy. We lost miles on two days (Church Stretton & Crawford - due to a strong headwind and bike problems on both days). The hardest thing was cycling into the wind and Dave's crappy Dawes wheels. The best thing was Scotland's scenery and downhills as well as having the wind with us! We covered a total of 969.70 miles at an average speed of 11.06 mph. The fastest we went was 38.60 mph down quite a few hills. (Stats to follow later...)

 

 

Cycling Statistics:
 

 

Accommodation Review:

 

Night	Town	Name	Type	Cost	n/10
1	Penzance	Dolphin	Backpackers	£41	5
2	Newquay	Kellsboro Hotel	Hotel	£63	7
3	Okehampton	Upcott House	Old boys school	£21	9
4	Glastonbury	King William Inn	Pub	£22	8
5	Gloucester	New Inn Hotel	Old coaching Inn	£30	6
6	Church Stretton	Belvedere	Guesthouse	£30	5
7	Speke	Sean's house	Friend's house	Free	10
8	Lancaster	Lancaster Arms	Pub	£25	8
9	Carlisle	Ashleigh	Guesthouse	£25	6
10	Crawford	Crawford Truck Stop	Truckers stop	£29	8
11	Tarbet	Aye Servus	House / B&B	£20	7
12	Fort William	Craig Nevis	Guesthouse / B&B	£20	5
13	Dingwall	Marule	House / B&B	£22	9
14	Tongue	Old Manse	Manse / old church	£23	6
15	John O'Groats	Seaview Hotel	Hotel / Pub	£25	9
16	Glasgow	Premier	Travel Inn	£25	6

 

Towns & villages:

 

 

 

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