Church humour

[Mike Powell]

Church Bulletins.......

They're Back! Those wonderful
Church Bulletins!
Thank
God for church ladies with typewriters.

These sentences (with
all the BLOOPERS ) appeared in church bulletins or
were announced in
church services:

--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer
Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon
this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The

sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your
husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who
are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is
hard to love. Say
'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much
about you.

--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the
Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang
'I will not pass this way again,'
giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have
children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be
tryouts for the choir.
They need
all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving
Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24
in the church.

So ends a friendship that began in their school
days.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the
sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'

Come early and listen
to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir
robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and
to the deterioration of some older
ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans,
bottles and other items to be recycled.

Proceeds
will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please
place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you
want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an
evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious
hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00
PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there
will be a hymn singing in the park across from the
Church.

Bring a blanket and come prepared to
sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held
Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is
done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be
presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7
PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large
double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
campaign slogan last Sunday:

'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

[alicol]

Some of these are priceless, long may they continue

[flerrr]

LMAO!! Great Stuff! Made me giggle