PONTY RUGBY - WOMEN'S PAGE

As you may know many women appreciate a good game of rugby, so in this politically correct atmosphere we find ourselves in we thought we'd let the birds have a page of their own.
 

Now then girls, the first thing to remember about Ponty boys is that they're sensitive types. Not sure what star sign they are but rest assured girls these valley Valentino's need careful handling. The second thing to think about when trying to pull a valley boy is to take care of your appearance. OK, so after 10 pints of Worthy Best you all look the same but what if by some miracle of modern science he's sober?
 

It is essential that your average valley boy sees a vision of loveliness before him. After all you don't want him stumbling on a graphic description of the Western Stormers backrow combination if you scare him by being ugly. He may choke on his beer or pork scratchings. Imagine the embarrassment if his wife turns up and he's got scampi fries all down his best polo shirt!
 

Third thing girls is always be ready, eager and willing, although if you want to tease, then play hard to get only for about 5 mins. Longer than this and he'll just get bored and go after some other trollop so don't overdo it girls! And don't forget that his drunken, insulting lecherous behaviour is just part of his unique sense of humour. He's really a lovely guy and if his wife appears remember to vanish instantly, pretend your collecting glasses or at the very least jump onto his best friend.
 

Let's not forget the wives though - wives who stay at home doing the dishes, dusting and other woman things you also have a part to play...

Always remember that a day out with the boys is no easy thing for your man to do. He works hard all week and needs his freedom. Don't try and stop him going anywhere at all with the boys.

He needs the male bonding that only a top quality lap-dancing bar can provide. Encourage him to go out. You can get even more ironing done by the time he returns. And remember if he's under your feet all day then how will you manage to hoover around or scrub the floor? After all he can't go out tomorrow if you haven't finished the washing so be a bit more thoughtful is it?! Saturdays are a testing time for your man so don't forget that on Sunday he needs you to be extra special. Don't mention anything he might not have explained properly last night. Rugby can often confuse the brain - its a well known fact, not that you would know anything about science of course.
 

And remember many boys like to draw bright red lipstick shapes all over your man's collar just for a laugh. Valley boys have always known to be artistic like this. What he needs right now is a nice big cup of sweet tea, his favourite biscuits and a glass of freshly squeezed, pure, orange juice, the one with the bits in. Don't turn that crap on the radio up too loud - you can cook his dinner in silence this once. Just make sure that he's washed and clothed and looking lovely for the boys down the club.
 

When he does venture out for that Sunday afternoon re-cap on last nights exploits just be thankful he let's you keep the heating on. You know you won't find a better one!
 

Note: Photographs are of real valley girls so remember ladies this is what you're up against. Now then, get down the plastic surgeon pronto and get those jugs sorted. A valley boy is worth every penny modern medicine can buy.

To read some old Ponty Observer columns - click here.

back to top